My Story
"Every Human is an artist. And this is the main art that we have:
the creation of our story."
Don Miguel Ruiz
I refer to myself as a Story Warrior because I want to fight to disarm the stories that are false.
Our lives are made up of stories. Humans have been telling stories since time immemorial, and we all have a story we tell ourselves.
Unfortunately, not all of our stories are based on the truth. When we live our lives within the confines of those false stories, we're trapped in them, and suffering ensues.
I grew up in an alcoholic home where my father drank and at times gambled away his paycheck. I loved him dearly, but I could not fix him. My mother dealt with things as best she could, and I love her dearly, too and appreciate all her efforts. My parents often argued, thus I grew up taking the role of a peacemaker.
When I was twelve I saw the movie To Kill a Mockingbird; I knew then that I wanted to be either a writer or an attorney and fight for justice. My brain is more right-oriented than left, so I took to writing. For me, the battle for justice and truth would be fought with words on paper instead of in a courtroom.
I want peace, not discord. So, I try to always strive for what is good, just, and true. My goal is that we can live our lives based on these things. That way, instead of being trapped in our stories we can shed the light of truth on them and make peace with them. We are then free to live authentically in the real world, in the present moment.
Three Parts of my story:
I was raised in an alcoholic home = I tried to fix people to feel worthwhile.
I had un-diagnosed learning differences = I often felt stupid around others.
Both my parents tended to be perfectionist; possibly I was born with this trait, or I just learned it from them. I spent years trying to be perfect = I was an anxious, workaholic trying to prove my worth.
All life is about growth; a seed turns into a piece of fruit we can eat and an acorn grows into an oak tree, a worm completely transforms and becomes a beautiful butterfly. We humans grow just as everything else on the planet does.
Part of our growth is emotional. One thing we all seem to have in common is the need to feel worthwhile. We often spend years of our lives not feeling we are good enough.
When we become aware of the stories we tell about ourselves, others, and life we are able to see things more clearly which allows us to see ourselves and others for who we really are beyond what we say or do. This growth expands our consciousness.
When I decided to stop the story in my head and asked "What else is true?" My life changed.
It's been an amazing journey to freedom. I haven't been depressed in over ten years. I deal with anxiety by practicing the Nine Forks in the Path.
I came to see myself in a new light. I'm still quite aware of my many flaws, but I don't discount my good qualities. I work at giving myself the same acceptance, compassion, and love I try to give others.
